the tan was a couple of weeks in the making but was gained mainly from going to Anawangin Cove in Zambales. beautiful place, and i can see myself there again sometime in the future.

i have not been blogging much maybe due to work...and then there's facebook...and recently i got remote access..but oh well... that's why i got a free blog provider, so that i could come back in the future and write something worthy and not worry about cost.

lord...so many things have happened. i've been in and out of training in 6 months and back in compliance. i love it.

on the love life side...ahm... maybe another post on that.

http://www.jango.com/stations/30019754/tunein?u=0&song_id=81600

Feels Like Home
     -  Chantal Kreviazuk

Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough.
- Frank Crane

I have to admit that there are days when my trust is sorely tested. And in these days, I would normally keep silent and meditate on how it would be if the situation was reversed. What if he mistrusts me? What if behind his tight hugs lurks doubt and uncertainty?

I know that if that is the case, and if there was nothing at all for him to be worried about, it would be difficult for me to convince him otherwise. I would be at a loss on how to make him believe that I'm honest and true and that I love him and only him.

And so, tonight, alone, I think on these things and make a decision. I have given him my heart, my love. I have given him the right to be in my future. I have given him more than I have given anyone in my life. And so, if I will hope, just hope, that our lives will be entwined till we die, then I will have to trust him.

I am saddened that a member of his family is getting to me and poisoning my peace. Because that is what mistrust can do, it will give you unrest. And tonight...as I meditate...I have decided to listen to my heart.

I will trust you. And if somehow, inspite of your love for me, you betray that trust, then you do so knowing that I didn't push you because of my uncertainty. Because there will be no living with you, no peace at all to be had, if I cannot trust the you who have given me this happiness. I will not see your eyes saddened by disappointment.

I love you. I trust you. I can give nothing greater than that.

oh well...i thought she has faded to oblivion. what a surprise to hear her sing, "tell him"...it's so good...

makes me feel like i'm home. really home, where my heart lies.

this is my answer to bebe's "i need you, boo..." i just wish i can sing it as well as lauryn did. i know it was meant to be a religious song...but damned if it doesn't have me and my ace written all over it.

listen to it here: http://www.jango.com/stations/30019754/tunein?u=0&song_id=14798

Sweet sweet SWEET tell him

Let me be patient let me be kind
Make me unselfish without being blind
Though I may suffer I'll envy it not
And endure what comes
Cause he's all that I got and
tell him...

Tell him I need him [yeah]
Tell him I love him [tell him]
And it'll be alright
*Background singing* Telll himmm be alright be alright
Tell him tell him I need him
Tell him I love him
It'll be alright

Now I may have faith to make mountains fall
But if I lack love then I am nothin' at all
I can give away everything I possess
But left without love then I have no happiness
I know I'm imperfect [I know I'm imperfect]
& not without sin [& not without sin]
But now that I'm older all childish things end
and tell him...

Tell him I need him [yeah]
Tell him I love him [tell him]
And it'll be alright
*Background singing* Telll himmm be alright be alright
Tell him tell him I need him
Tell him I love him
It'll be alright

Bridge
I'll never be jealous
And I won't be too proud
Cause love is not boastful
Oooh and love is not loud
Tell him I need him
Tell him I love him
Everything's gonna be alright [w/ adlibs]
ieee iee ieee iee iee iee iee iee

Now I may have wisdom and knowledge on Earth
But if I speak wrong then what is it worth?
See what we now know is nothing compared
to the love that was shown when our lives were spared
and tell him...

Tell him I need him [yeah]
Tell him I love him [tell him]
And it'll be alright
*Background singing* Telll himmm be allright be alright
Tell him tell him I need him
Tell him I love him
It'll be alright

i'm not a fan of animals. i hate dogs. but man...i'm a sucker for bambi eyes. so i put my two cents in.

here it is...

It’s interesting how we mentally distinguish and separate our social lives from our work lives, without realizing that they intermingle and are sometimes indistinguishable from each other.

 

Or maybe I’m just speaking for myself.

 

I’ve been in Citi for less than two years and already I can’t imagine myself working elsewhere. It is as if my whole career was designed in preparation for the moment when I would take on my role here as a compliance officer. As far as jobs go, I have never wanted anything so badly – and the feeling of actually being able to do the work that fulfills me the way this job does, is as good as a hug after five years of solitude.

They say that I’m weird this way – loving and appreciating compliance and spreading the virus to all as if it was the latest “in” thing. But I say, I belong to a company with one of the strongest control foundations, and to actually be able to contribute to its growth, its success, is a fulfillment that cannot be bought. And the social life it brings me is one of the richest, fullest sets of characters I can bless my life with.

 

If that isn’t lucky, I don’t know what is.

i remember having felt that once before and having nobody to talk to to calm me down and loosen that tight feeling in my gut. it's a painful feeling like you cannot breathe underwater. and i'm glad i was of help.

many things may change with time, mahal, dy, be... but one thing will not change. when you need me, i'm here.

when you need me, i won't fail you. i will be there.

hooray! i'm jumping for joy...well inside at least...while i surreptitiously take a peek at my surroundings here in the office.

i actually have to elongate my neck a bit...you know how "cubicly" offices go.

although i am still pissed at pbcom for not returning the debited money to my account yet, i'm finer than i've felt in days.

it's a monday, and i get to go home on time. it maybe a small feat to a normal person, but for me?

ah haven't been able to do that since i was raised from entry level. thank god for delegation, inspiration and john maxwell. :D

my old page looked like my old mood. so well i decided to just make it look...old.

but now that i've changed it, i feel like changing it back. what a bummer.

it's a tuesday, ladies and gentlemen, and there wasn't so much as a clogged view of bumper to bumper cars down the streets of ayala.

i was 33 floors up, and it seemed as if nothing really mattered from up here. all i had to worry about was my work, and my pc and my papers and all the things that make us earn money, that eat our time, and in the end become the cause of our sickness and early deaths.

i don't know if it's just the work talking but the things that transpired this month exhausted me in a way that no physical work can. i am mentally exhausted. i am terribly spiritually drained.

it must be the fact that no traffic signified i was going to get home early and this being my 16th hour in the office, meaning i didn't take advantage of it, makes my heart sink...

i am a loser to be staying here too long.

i gotta get my ass home.