puppy with a sad face

there’s a new campaign going ’round at work on company love. and they encourage you to tell your story….and a picture of a cute puppy dog with bambi eyes is on every poster asking you to share your thoughts.

i’m not a fan of animals. i hate dogs. but man…i’m a sucker for bambi eyes. so i put my two cents in.

here it is…

It’s interesting how we mentally distinguish and separate our social lives from our work lives, without realizing that they intermingle and are sometimes indistinguishable from each other.

 

Or maybe I’m just speaking for myself.

 

I’ve been in Citi for less than two years and already I can’t imagine myself working elsewhere. It is as if my whole career was designed in preparation for the moment when I would take on my role here as a compliance officer. As far as jobs go, I have never wanted anything so badly – and the feeling of actually being able to do the work that fulfills me the way this job does, is as good as a hug after five years of solitude.

They say that I’m weird this way – loving and appreciating compliance and spreading the virus to all as if it was the latest “in” thing. But I say, I belong to a company with one of the strongest control foundations, and to actually be able to contribute to its growth, its success, is a fulfillment that cannot be bought. And the social life it brings me is one of the richest, fullest sets of characters I can bless my life with.

 

If that isn’t lucky, I don’t know what is.

on the dot!

oh my god… all the hard work and discipline finally paid off…. i am going home on time!

hooray! i’m jumping for joy…well inside at least…while i surreptitiously take a peek at my surroundings here in the office.

i actually have to elongate my neck a bit…you know how "cubicly" offices go.

although i am still pissed at pbcom for not returning the debited money to my account yet, i’m finer than i’ve felt in days.

it’s a monday, and i get to go home on time. it maybe a small feat to a normal person, but for me?

ah haven’t been able to do that since i was raised from entry level. thank god for delegation, inspiration and john maxwell.

i wonder sometimes if it’s worth it

i was looking out at my newly well-laid view and to my dismay, realized that there’s no traffic.

it’s a tuesday, ladies and gentlemen, and there wasn’t so much as a clogged view of bumper to bumper cars down the streets of ayala.

i was 33 floors up, and it seemed as if nothing really mattered from up here. all i had to worry about was my work, and my pc and my papers and all the things that make us earn money, that eat our time, and in the end become the cause of our sickness and early deaths.

i don’t know if it’s just the work talking but the things that transpired this month exhausted me in a way that no physical work can. i am mentally exhausted. i am terribly spiritually drained.

it must be the fact that no traffic signified i was going to get home early and this being my 16th hour in the office, meaning i didn’t take advantage of it, makes my heart sink…

i am a loser to be staying here too long.

i gotta get my ass home.

on exhaustion

Exhaustion fosters insensitivity.

That, I’ve proven so many times. Tonight is no exception and I’m deeply sorry that what happened still happened despite the fact that it has been discussed and fought over many times in the past.

I need to sleep. Even when I get to go home early, which recently, I haven’t been able to do, I still cannot sleep since it’s 34-36 degrees outside. It’s so hot that just going home will give you heatstroke and I’m really prone to that.

I regret that I was hit with this exhaustion while I was at his house last night, and this meant I was not able to think beyond my need to snooze. Because of this, he had to sacrifice his rest time for me. He had to show a face that "everything is ok, my girlfriend will wake up in a few minutes, and we all can finally rest" sort of attitude, even though what he wanted to do was just to shake me awake, and let me know that he wanted to lie down and rest.

It’s heartless that he went to my house and gave me such a loving gesture of what being taken care of means…for me to just throw that away in an insensitive attempt to extend my sleeping hours.

It all boils down to rest. I have to rest.

I’ve been complaining for years and I’m not doing anything about it. Well, it’s about time that I do something about it because if I don’t, I will end up isolating the only person in the world who has the capacity to make me forget how difficult life can be.

balancing act

For a first post, I wanted this to be welcoming and happy and sweet and warm.

But it’s a bad time to be writing about first posts today, because today just isn’t my day and I need to tell the world about it, tell anyone, breathe it into the words I’m typing now.

TODAY IS NOT MY DAY. I sincerely hope somebody is having a good day because that at least will make me feel a little better. At least someone’s having a good time.

Last night, I slept with the expectation that things are going to be splendid today. But unfortunately, what we dream about and what actually happens are two entirely different things, which means my day turned out the opposite of what I thought it would be.

Have you ever had anything all laid out, mapped out perfectly and then all of a sudden goes out of control?

***sigh***

I need to sleep. 14 hours of work just isn’t the right way to live.

I want to come out in the surface and just breathe because now, when I lay it all out on the table, I’m going to be swamped so much I would have to cancel all my leaves till June including my birthday leave if need be.

But darned it. I wanted to this. Maybe I’m a classic example of being careful of what we’re wishing for because we just might get it. Boy, did I get it.

It’s a great thing I have him. Or else I would be flailing in the ocean of workload and not have time to smile, or breathe. I would probably just sink to the bottom and stay there and cry.

But I have him. And I’m gonna see him later. And he will kiss all this away. And I’m going to be so happy I wouldn’t remember that I feel like hell today.

So hmmm. There is a God, after all. Ha!