blindsighted

April 14, 2008

when the going gets tough, that’s when we find out what our weaknesses are.

i realized yesterday just how out of touch i am with him…that although i love him with all my heart, i was still blind to how he was. maybe it’s because all i see is how much effort he’s putting into making me happy. and with that, i failed to see his sadness, his troubles.

perhaps there was just too many burdens and too many problems that his limit was reached, and breached.  i felt for him when he said his wishes. although i would naturally tend to disagree with him wishing the negative to happen, still i can’t help but wonder if he was justified.

he told me i didn’t know him. maybe.

i was thinking last night after he slept (i hope he slept), that things happen to make us realize just how little we know about a person. i am shamed and humbled by his sadness because i didn’t realize it until he said so. and for someone like me professing to love someone like him, i should have been more attuned to how he was feeling.

all this is a testament to my insensitivity. i hope i can change it and not find about things until they are too late to repair.

i love him so much that it hurt to find out how wrong i was, and how misguided my notions were about him.

he needs me as much as i need him. i know that now.

hopefully it’s not too late for me to make up for the things i lacked in the past…from this day forward.